Undue Canada Bashing From Colbert Continues

Stephen Colbert’s assault on the Canadian speed skating team and Canada in general continued this Thursday on ‘The Sport Report’ (pronounced The Spore Rapport) when Stephen once again attacked Canada in regards to his beef with the amount of practice time allotted to the US speed skating team at the Olympic Oval in Richmond.  Colbert claimed that the practice time Canadian officials had set aside for the American team coincided with a meet that was serving as an Olympic Qualifying Event this past weekend.  Perhaps I’m overlooking something, but I believe that the OQE he is referencing was the short track meet in Montreal (where hometown hero Charles Hamelin was the star of the meet.)  Being the principle sponsor of Speed Skating USA, I’m sure that Stephen knows that short track speed skating occurs on hockey rink sized ice and NOT the kind of ice surface that is used for long track that is in dispute in the matter at hand.  Granted, there was a World Cup long track event this past weekend in Berlin, so the critique is somewhat warranted, but shading it with the element that Canadian officials were somehow duplicitious in scheduling the US team at the Olympic facilities while an Olympic Qualifying Event was underway seems to be a purely fabricated embellishment.

In order to further boost US patriotic pride, Colbert has now spearheaded a letter writing campaign to the Vancouver Organizing Committee; the downloadable template simply asks that us Canadians not be “ice-holes.”   Hopefully VANOC will show some backbone and not yield to the collective force that is the Colbert Nation.  I’m sure that the US team, along with all others will receive more than ample practice time at the beautiful new facility in Richmond; Stephen and the rest of the Colbert nation need to chill out.  As a matter of bragging rights, in the unofficial head to head competition between the US and Canadian speed skating teams that I arbitrarily decided began when Stephen put Canada on notice last week, the Canadians continue to lead.  Their six podium finishes at World Cup events so far this weekend (a second place finish from Christine Nesbitt and third place finish from Kristina Groves in the 1500m long track race along with a short track first from Francois-Louis Tremblay in the 500m, a third place finish by Charles Hamelin in the 1500m and second and third place spots on the podium for Kalyna Roberge and Marianne St. Gelais) outpaces the three podium finishes put up by their American rivals.

While our athletes continue to dominate on the ice, we are losing the off ice battle in the media.  Where is Speed Skating Canada and VANOC’s response to Mr. Colbert?  Why have I not been given the opportunity to donate to Speed Skating Canada?  When someone with the clout of Colbert picks up the ball to boost the popularity of your mostly obscure (in this hemisphere anyways) sport, the governing bodies of said sport need to be able to respond and carry that momentum forward.  While I haven’t yet composed my polite response to Stephens letter writing campaign, I think a more productive letter could be sent to Canada’s own fake news reader: Rick Mercer.  It’d be great to see Rick throw the gauntlet back in Colbert’s face and promote the always fun, friendly (yet intense) rivalry between the US and Canada.  Perhaps as a culminating event Mercer and Colbert could race against one another on the disputed ice surface at the new Olympic venue.  At the very least having those blokes strap on the long blades should provide some decent comedic fodder.  You most certainly have more experience getting rough and tumble out in the field than that softy Colbert does Rick, and if I remember correctly you even have a little experience on speed skates.  So what do you say, are you game?

Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor U.S. Speedskating

Unfortunately, Canadian surfers (at least those not behind a Hotspot Shield) are not important enough to view embedded videos, but a clip can be seen here.

Podium finishes were figured using results posted at the ISU Short Speed Skating webpage and from Speed Skating Results. World Cup events continue this Sunday; short track in Marquette, Michigan and long track action from the Netherlands.

Update
The Canadian speed skating team continued to rack up the podium finishes at World Cup events this Sunday.  In long track action Christine Nesbitt claimed the gold medal in the 1000m race.  The Canadian women also placed first in the team pursuit event.  On the short track the Canadian mens squad was atop the podium in the 5000m relay.  In the 3000m relay the womens team finished in third spot.  Adding an individual bronze in the 1000m was Francois Hamelin.  Another great weekend for our teams on ice as the opening ceremonies in Vancouver inch closer.


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