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US Speed Skating - Powered by The Colbert Nation

Stephen Colbert and the Colbert Nation’s  sponsorship of the US speed skating team was a story I wrote about when it first came about, but I foolishly haven’t been posting on any of the latest developments. Back in November, City of Richmond spokesperson Ted Townsend wrote to Stephen inviting him to come to the games as an official ombudsman to ensure no funny business would happen (at the time Colbert was hammering Canada about not letting the US get enough practice time at the Richmond Olympic Oval.) Stephen stated he would be coming to the games, but only if it were as a member of the US Olympic Team (I guess he couldn’t stand to wear a pink toque the whole time.) So began Stephen Colbert’s Skate Expectations: Kicking Ice and Taking Donations On The Slippery Slope Down The Icy Path To The Frozen Road Up To Vancouver ‘010 and his bid to join the US Olympic Team.

First came his attempts to join the skeleton and bobsleigh teams. These efforts failed despite Cobert’s “God given talent for lying down and surrendering to the effects of gravity”. He was further hindered by the fact that most members of the bobsleigh squad do not enjoy “a little vomit on their Lycra.” Next, Colbert tried to “HURRY HARD!” his way into the Olympics as part of the curling team. Once again his efforts were to no avail. Not giving up though, Colbert dug deep, remembered that his first love is speed skating and orchestrated a hilarious race with World Champion Shani Davis. All of Stephens well developed cheating instincts failed him, as Shani went on to decimate him, despite a head start of over 10 minutes. However, Colbert’s wily ways did catch the notice of the coaching staff, and he will be joining the team as an assistant sports psychologist. This is a fantastic development and I look forward to some great pieces of journalism from Stephen during the games. I’ve often wrote that I strongly believe in using the Olympic platform to shine a light on the fair city of Vancouver, both the good and the bad. The Colbert Report has and continues to be an excellent force for peering into some of the darker cracks in society and I fully expect to him to highlight some of the social issues that are present in this city. Previously I suggested that Colbert and Rick Mercer pair up for some international comedy dueling, but after thinking on the viability of this, I remembered that CTV is this years host broadcaster in Canada, and as Mercer is a CBC employee this would not work. Perhaps John Dore is up for challenging Colbert.

Apologies to those with Canadian IP addresses; you will need to click here to view the above clip, as the Comedy Network does not allow for embedded video clips.

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